The Swing-Top Glass Bottle
The Swing-Top Glass Bottle
Depending on which experts you put your faith in, the first glass bottles were crafted between 3000 and 2000 years ago. If you had one of those, it would be really cool to put on a pedestal in your home, but it probably would not be very good for drinking water. Thankfully, just like fish evolved to grow feet and walk the earth, the glass bottle has benefitted from thousands of years of evolution. In the year 2022, the glass swing-top bottle is the most elite refreshment vehicle.
Post-Medieval glass bottle
If you are the type to browse BOUNTYarchive, I expect you are motivated by utility. The lifestyle endorsed by BOUNTY is one of constant motion and creation. The tactical utility of the swing-top glass bottle lends itself to the BOUNTY lifestyle because it can be opened and closed with a single hand! This frees your other hand for activities such as but not limited to:
Waving to your neighbor
Stirring a bouillabaisse
Gripping a wood-grain steering wheel
Signing a mortgage
Throttling a jet ski
While we humans cannot breathe under water, we still need water to survive. Hopefully, this isn’t surprising. What is surprising is how many people choose to drink water from tacky, plastic bottles.
Above image lacks scientific explanation
Medical sleeching, alphabetical breaching, retinal preaching, these are imaginary concepts that I just made up. Chemical leaching, however, is as real as shitstains and definitely something that shouldn’t be happening in your drinking water. Any accomplished chemists reading this will know that glass is inert. For everyone else, inert means chemically inactive, so the glass vessel will not interact at all with its contents. The same cannot be said for plastic bottles, which leach microplastics and their associated chemicals into your bev. Nasty.
Enough science.
You will never sip from something more visually dynamic that the swing-top glass bottle. Once you’ve hydrated and you replace the bottle on your desk, you’ll be delighted with how it comes to life and interacts with the light in your bedroom, throwing pools of brilliance and shadow, as well as the occasional rainbow!
That’s nice
The Louvre, the W Hotel in Barca, the Apple Store on 5th Avenue would all fail to make the same lasting visual impression were they made of some cheap shitty plastic.
Musée du Louvre - Made of glass
One thing that glass admittedly is no good at, is keeping secrets.
Just a glance, and your bottle will tell you how much water you have left, how cold it is (if the glass looks frosted, it’s cold) and if it’s time to give the bottle a wash. A snitch, the glass bottle will always rat on itself if something is off.
Plastic is wack. Glass is sophisticated, functional, beautiful and even romantic (think “message in a bottle”).
Most of you will undoubtedly now go out and buy your very own swing-top glass bottle. Send your pictures via DM to @BountyArchive
